Module 1 — Effective
writing: Strategies
and principles
| Course Guide | Module 1 | Module 2a | Module 2b |
Activity 15: Unpacking long sentences
Unpack these sentences and then rewrite to improve them. (You may finish with a greater number of sentences.) Remember, the suggested answers offer only one possibility. You may have found an equally effective way to improve the quality of these sentences.
Sentence 1 |
A study was undertaken at the Organization during March 2005 to assess how ILO freelance editors are currently recruited and managed and to make recommendations for improving the pool of reliable freelance editors available to the ILO and standardizing headquarters procedures for recruitment, accreditation and payment of such editors. |
Your sentence: |
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A study at the ILO in March 2005 examined how the organization recruited and managed freelance editors. It also looked at ways of improving the pool of reliable editors and standardizing procedures for their recruitment, accreditation, and payment. |
Sentence 2 |
While the overall responsibility for providing a safe and healthy working environment rests with the employer, who should demonstrate commitment to OSH by putting in place a documented programme, available to workers and their representatives, that addresses the principles of prevention, hazard identification, risk assessment and control, information and training, workers have a duty to cooperate with the employer in implementing this OSH programme, and in respecting and applying procedures and other instructions designed to protect them and others present at the workplace from exposure to occupational hazards. |
Your sentence: |
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It is the employer’s responsibility to provide a safe and healthy working environment. To do this, the employer should demonstrate its commitment to OSH by making available to workers and their representatives a documented programme that addresses the principles of prevention, hazard identification, risk assessment and control, and training. At the same time, workers have a duty to cooperate with the employer in implementing this OSH programme, and in respecting other information designed to protect them and others at the workplace from exposure to occupational hazards. |
Sentence 3 |
The legislative bodies of the organizations should bring to the attention of the host countries the significance of adequately informing the local administration, public services and business communities, especially those situated outside the capital or seat of the various organizations, about the privileges, immunities and benefits granted to the United Nations system organizations, their staff members and officials, so as to facilitate the exercise of these privileges, immunities and benefits and to ensure that the staff and officials of the organizations receive adequate cooperation and understanding in the fulfilment of their obligations. |
Your sentence: |
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The legislative bodies of the organizations should let the host countries know that it is important to inform the local administration, public services, and business communities about the privileges, immunities, and benefits granted to the United Nations system organizations, their staff members, and officials. This will help ensure that staff and officials of the organizations receive adequate cooperation and understanding in the fulfilment of their obligations. This is especially true for those situated outside the capital or seat of the various organizations. |
Sentence 4 |
Change and restructuring often provide opportunities to improve work organization and the content of jobs and for changes in roles and responsibilities which may enhance skills and career development while leading to better and more efficient use of staff resources as well as other resources. |
Your sentence: |
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Change and restructuring often provide opportunities to improve work organization and the content of jobs, such as job roles and responsibilities. These changes can lead to other opportunities, such as enhancing skills and career development while leading to better and more efficient use of resources. |
Even though short sentences are generally easier on your reader, be careful not to take this too far. You should not put your trust in a formula that states an optimal number of words per sentence. There are times when long sentences are necessary, and in the hands of skilled writers, can be effective. Some difficult concepts require fairly long sentences to do them justice. Even in these cases, though, it is often best to write short, clear sentences first and then combine them through skillful editing, rather than start with a long sentence.
Too short or too long?
You may have noticed that this module has given advice about the hazards of making sentences too long and making them too short. Your guiding principle should be to make understanding as easy as possible for your reader. This way you will avoid sentences, long and short, that will cause troubles for your reader.