Module 1 — Effective
writing: Strategies
and principles
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Making sentences shorter
Let's begin by examining the basic unit in writing: the sentence.
Readers usually read all the way to the punctuation at the end of the sentence to capture its meaning. When the sentence is long and packed with sub-ideas, conditions, and qualifications, the writer is imposing a lot of strain on the reader.
Here is an ILO example from a report:
This period generally coincides with the point of accelerated expansion of the programme, the inclusion of the elimination of child labour as a core labour standard and its subsequent incorporation into the Declaration of Fundamental Rights and Principles at Work (1998), the new Child Labour Convention No. 182 on the Elimination of the Worst Forms of Child Labour (1999), and the restructuring of IPEC as an InFocus Programme (1999) combining all work on child labour into an integrated structure, including support in implementing the Declaration, and Conventions Nos. 138 and 182.
(91 words)
Note that this sentence, in addition to its length, loses the integrity of its structure halfway with the continual addition of participle phrases (beginning with –ing words: restructuring, combining, including).
And another from a Governing Body paper:
With regard to the first of the pending questions, namely the Committee’s recommendation concerning the sentencing of seven trade unionists to between 15 and 26 years’ imprisonment and its request that the Government should take steps to ensure their immediate release and keep it informed in this respect, the Committee regrets that most of the Government’s reply repeats its previous arguments which had already been examined, to the effect that: (1) the persons in question are neither trade union officials nor workers; (2) they were funded by the United States Interests Section in Havana and terrorist mafia organizations of Cuban origin; (3) the complainants’ allegations were not proven and the conclusions and recommendations have been manipulated for improper political motives.
(120 words)
Sentences of these lengths and complexity are not reader friendly. Writers sometimes use them in an attempt to be comprehensive, but the result is difficult to read and not helpful for anyone who must act on the information. In the example above, for instance, we don’t know the subject (the Committee) until after 48 words and three lengthy clauses.
Why do we writers create such problems for our readers? Mostly for the best of reasons: we think we must pack related ideas together and must ensure that the reader gets the whole message in all its complexity in one go. Many also believe that short sentences are an indication of an immature, non-professional style.
Unpacking long sentences
Let's have a look at a few sentences from other ILO documents and see if they can be unpacked:
Despite the continuing difficult situation which has aggravated the social and economic condition of Palestinian workers and their families, as presented in the 2005 Report of the Director-General to the International Labour Conference on the situation of workers in the occupied Arab territories, the ILO made progress in and further expanded the programme endorsed by the Governing Body in June 2002.
(61 words; 1 sentence)
This sentence has six ideas:
- The situation of workers in the occupied Arab territories has been difficult.
- These difficulties have aggravated the social and economic conditions of Palestinian workers and their families.
- The 2005 Report of the Director-General to the International Labour Conference described this difficult situation.
- The Governing Body endorsed a programme in June 2002.
- The ILO has made progress in this programme.
- The ILO has expanded this programme.
You can see that even by unpacking the sentence, the meaning becomes clearer. Some of these six ideas depend on each other and need to go together; some are more important than others; and the order of ideas needs attention. Below is a revised version.
The 2005 Report of the Director-General to the International Labour Conference described the difficult economic and social conditions of Palestinian workers and their families in the occupied Arab territories. However, the ILO has made progress in and expanded the programme which the Governing Body endorsed in June 2002.
(48 words; 2 sentences)
The revision is not much shorter but breaking it into shorter sentences has made it much easier to read.