Activity 8: Avoiding emotional language

Module 2a — Office
Correspondence
and Records

SECTION 1: Correspondence, conveying a message

SECTION 2: Types of messages

SECTION 3: Meeting records

Assignment preparation task 9

Minute-taking phobia

The vocabulary of formal meetings

Types of meeting records

What should minutes contain?

Organizing a summary record

Preparing to write a meeting record

Tips for taking notes

The language of meeting records

Assignment preparation task 10

Activity 8: Avoiding emotional language

Rewrite these statements so that they are more suitable for meeting records.

When you have finished, click on the compare button to see some possible alternatives to recording these statements accurately and faithfully. Of course, there are many possibilities for each example.

The Seafarers spokesperson slammed his fist on the table and burst out "This meeting is overdue by 11 years!"
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	You could probably write "long overdue" and avoid the specific detail.

The Committee turned into a shouting match and eventually everyone left without any further discussion on the tender.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	The Committee failed to reach agreement on the tender.

Nobody could agree how the money should be spent.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	No agreement was reached on how the money should be spent.

Ambassador Shibata groaned that the debate over what to do was just another example of a bunch of bureaucrats, including the committee members, arguing in a bubble without any connection to real problems.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	Ambassador Shibata expressed her misgivings about the practicality of the proposed action.

Pavlos S. and Anna S. argued violently about the proposal. They were the only ones who didn't agree with the decision.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	The decision was not supported by two officers.

Mr P. was vehement in his questioning about the requested number of participants required for the mission. He implied that the proposed number was ridiculous and wants an immediate re-evaluation of the situation.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	Mr P. raised concerns about the number of participants required for the mission and proposed a re-evaluation.

The Spanish Government representative went on and on about the amount of time managers spent on their computers compared to workers.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	The Spanish Government representative underlined the differences in the amount of time spent on computers between managers and workers.

The German Government representative: I just want to add one final point, if I may do so, and that is to lend my wholehearted support to the statement made by Ms. Ramirez, our colleague from Brazil, whose eloquent argument about our role as human beings and the centrality of such to all developments concerned with the great influences of technology and all technological developments was indeed compelling. So much so I put forth the recommendation that her words be included in the conclusion, ideally in a preamble so that we might not forget them as we deliberate on the direction of our future actions.
Type your revised statement
Suggested Statement	The German Government representative felt the statement made by the Brazilian Worker member - emphasizing human beings' centrality to all technological developments - should be placed in a preamble to the conclusions. Besides removing the sentiment expressed in this extract, the report writer must also take an editor's approach to focusing on the essential message of the speech.

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